Picking up the Pieces Update

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 Picking up the Pieces on TWCS

During my lunch, I stared at Shelly’s phone number on my cell. I just couldn’t bring myself to call her. I knew I had to. The overwhelming guilt that I felt after Edward left kept me up most of the night on Saturday. I was so upset that I had shared a meal with him. That I felt somewhat normal, carrying on a conversation that didn’t revolve around my kids, my dead husband or my sadness. Yes, they were a part of our evening, but it wasn’t the dominating conversation. Edward made me laugh. Like, really laugh. He was funny, sweet and just so good. The fact that I had such a decent time caused me to spend the entire night crying out of guilt. I shouldn’t be feeling these things. Not yet. It’s too soon.

Isn’t it?

When my kids came home on Sunday night, I was a bit of a zombie, but I faked it. I read books with them, played on Wii and fed them hamburger helper before tucking them into bed at their bedtimes. I crashed early, but woke up, again in tears feeling guilt for my time spent with Edward and for not being the mother I should be.

Instead of calling Shelly, I texted Edward. You’ve got a problem, Black. He’s tall and entirely too nice. Why did he have to be so god damned perfect? UGH! As soon as I hit send, I wanted to retract the text. I shouldn’t bother him. Edward’s working and he’s the problem. Well, that and the fact that my heart feels like it’s been stomped on, ripped out of my chest and thrown into Lake Crescent where a bear found it and ate it for lunch. Graphic, Bella.

I’ve lost my damn mind. Gone. It’s gone. Completely gone. Poof! Vanished.

Slightly freaking out. I want to call Shelly. I really do, but I’m scared ~ B

I never expected him to text back but instead, he called. “Hey, Bella,” Edward breathed. “I’m in the car. I can’t exactly text you. I’m supposed to be nailing the high schoolers who do it on a daily basis. I’d be a hypocrite if was doing the same thing: texting while driving.”

“That would be ironic, really,” I teased. Huffing out a breath, I continued, “Why am I freaking out over calling a therapist? I did it for my kids.”

“My guess is that you’re afraid that you’re going to lose everything that you had with Jake by talking to her,” Edward explained. “I don’t know. All I know is that Shelly helped me realize that I need to cherish the time I have left with my mom and not let the anger overwhelm me.”

“I guess you’re right,” I sighed. Looking at the clock, I knew I didn’t have time to call her now. “I’ve got to go. In ten minutes, my kiddos are back from lunch and I still need to reschedule some parent/teacher conferences.”

“Call Shelly. You won’t regret it. She’s an adorable grandma-type who doesn’t take shit from anybody,” Edward snorted. “I’ll talk to you later, Bella.”

“Thanks for calling,” I murmured. “I’m sorry that I bothered you, especially while you’re working.”

“You’re never a bother,” he said sincerely. I heard a crackle over the phone line. “Where, Sue? I’m on my way. Call Charlie for back up. Cullen, out. Bella, there’s a robbery in progress at one of the local gas stations. I’ll call you tonight?”

“Be safe, Edward,” I whispered.

 
“I will. I promise. Bye, Bella,” Edward said, clicking off the phone.

 

Jake's last apple gift

 

Grace's tree

 

John's tree