FOYS Chapter 12 on HeartForTwilight's Blog
Woodenly, Bella walked into her complex. She barely acknowledged the security guard, waving her hand weakly. Her mind was repeating Edward’s confession, over and over again. The nightmare of losing her sister was replaying in her memory and the man that she’d finally let into her heart was the person responsible for her death. Unlocking the door, she pushed inside and walked directly to the refrigerator. Grabbing a bottle of wine, she uncorked it and drank it directly from the bottle.
Numb. I need to be numb, she thought to herself desperately.
Before she got too drunk, she sent a text to Victoria and Maggie, saying she needed to take a sick day. Thankfully, tomorrow was Friday. She was not on call over the weekend. She needed this time to just crumble. She so rarely took days off, but the bomb that Edward dropped definitely necessitated time away from her job. Bella needed to process this.
Bella turned off her phone, tossing it into a drawer. Swiping her bottle and a blanket from the couch, she walked outside and lit the fire pit. She kicked off her shoes, curling up on the outdoor chaise and drank herself into a stupor.
No, not stupor … back into numb. I needed to be numb. No more feelings. No more pain. No more loneliness.
“Angela, I miss you,” she whispered, tears streaming down her cheeks. “Why did you have to go away?”
She stayed outside, drinking the entire bottle of wine. She stared, unseeing, into the flames dancing in the fire pit. When a storm came rolling in, Bella tightened the blanket around her shoulders but didn’t move. The cold rain helped. It rebuilt the walls around her heart, reinforcing her anguish. The freezing water helped her fall deeper into the numbness, the emptiness. The rain camouflaged her tears. The thunder drowned out her sobs and when the rain stopped, it helped dull her agony of losing her sister, a raw open wound that had been torn to shreds with Edward’s confession. Bella was exhausted from her emotional loss of control.
Understandably, so.
Dragging her wet and weary body into her condo, she blindly walked to the bathroom. She stripped out of her ruined clothing. Stepping into the shower, she warmed her body up, but her heart was frozen. Her lips were blue from being outside in the freezing rain for hours. After blow-drying her hair, Bella stumbled into the guest bedroom. She couldn’t sleep in her bed.
Not there.
She’d given her body, her soul to Edward in that room and just being in there cracked the fragile walls rebuilding around her heart. Curling up underneath the duvet cover, she cried herself to sleep.
Her sleep, however, was not restful. Nightmares assaulted her mind. Nightmares of her sister falling to her death, being burnt alive. However, in these dreams, Edward was standing off to the side allowing her to fall, even though she cried out for him to save her. Staring at her impassively, not caring if she’d fallen or not.
Her worst nightmare.
