Saturday, November 10, 2012

A Prescription for Love Teaser

Anger Management 101 – strategies by Edward Cullen, M.D., as assigned by his brilliant girlfriend, Isabella Swan, R.N.

When at work or in life, people tend to get frustrated, pissed off, upset, etc…It’s how you handle these moments that you need to pay attention and not ruffle the feathers of your co-workers, friends and significant others (girlfriend/fiancée-types). Here are some tips and tricks to address said issues.

Step One: Walk away when you’re getting upset. When you’re flustered, your emotions run higher and you will be quicker to fly off the handle than if you were calm, cool collected. If this is not an option, continue on to step two.

Step Two: Sometimes you’re in a situation where you can’t walk away (emergency situations where a patient is coding or bleeding out…if a doc leaves during this, it’s a malpractice suit just waiting to happen). Take a few calming breaths and work through the procedure/situation. Once the patient has stabilized (or the situation), take your timeout. Only after you’ve collected your thoughts that you speak to the other person involved.

Step Three: Get a blowjob from your girl. (Just kidding! I love you, Bella! Xoxox!)

Step Four: Go down on your girl…(Do you see where this is going? I need you, sweet girl. Bury my lips between your thighs and get drunk on your succulent nectar.) UGH! I need to stop this! Anger management…

Step Five: I’m serious, I swear. If feasible, get another person to mediate between you and the person you’re upset with: someone NOT actively involved in the situation at hand. You need to have that outside perspective to work through the issues and grow as a person.

Step Six: If the above strategies don’t work, drink heavily and make love to your girl. Being encased in her warmth is a balm to the soul. The endorphins released from coming make everything feel better, not to mention the physical pleasure of seeing your girl come. Who’s with me?

Now, I know why you journal, sweet girl. It’s a very productive way to release my word vomit. Plus, it’s showing me how fucking horny I am. (Please?! I need you, my girl!) I also do feel better. Bree will be getting an apology from my cranky ass before she leaves. 

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