The Geek's Guide to Parenthood Teaser

. Edward pulled me to the corner near the door. He hugged me tightly, apologizing for Lauren’s rude behavior. He, then, kissed me deeply. His tongue swept inside my mouth as his fingers glided up my bare arm.

“Yo! Porn stars!” Jasper called out. “I hate break up the make out session, but Kyra had an ‘oops.’

With a groan, we separated and walked to the couch. Jasper was holding Kyra away from his body, wrinkling his nose. Rosalie was sitting at Jasper’s desk actually plugging her nose. “What did you do, principessa?” I wailed. “How long were we kissing?”

“Long enough for your daughter to shit all over herself and on my couch,” Jasper chuckled.

“Ugh,” I grumbled as I threw my baby bag over my shoulder. “I’ll take her to the bathroom. Edward, here are some baby wipes to clean up the couch.”

I carried Kyra to the bathroom and stripped her out of her new outfit. I washed her as best as I could in the sink and changed her into another outfit. I faintly heard the door open and I saw Lauren come into the bathroom. “You really haven’t changed, Isabella. You’re still plain, ugly and smell funny. I can’t even imagine why a sex god like Edward would want to be with you. I mean, really. Your hips are wide. Your boobs are flabby and let’s face it. You’re fat.”

“At least my clothes fit,” I spat. “And my boobs are the same size. Where did you get yours done? Tijuana?”

“Bitch. I paid good money for these tits,” she said as she grabbed her chest. “Edward loves to bury his face between them.”

What?

“Edward would never do that. He loves me,” I snarled.

“Whatever,” Lauren smiled. “He doesn’t say that while he’s fucking me. Makes me come, every single time. His dick should be bronzed. Besides, you’re not as tight as you used to be, Isabella. Pushing out a kid does that.”

“Well, for your information, I didn’t push out Kyra. I was sedated and had a C-section. Secondly, I know that Edward would never cheat on me. Especially not with you. You’re a slut and a skank and incredibly stupid to even bring it up. It would behoove you to stay away from my husband. If you so much as lay a fake acrylic nail on his body, those fingers will not be attached to you anymore. Am I clear, bitch?” I spat. I picked up my daughter and pushed past her. I carried Kyra to Edward’s office. I sank down onto the couch and sobbed against my daughter’s shoulder.

Edward came into his office and found me crying. He ran over to us. He pulled me onto his lap and held me as I sobbed. Kyra was crying too. She knew that Momma was sad. Evil skanks tend to do that to a person. I finally calmed down and looked into Edward’s golden orbs. “What did she say?” he asked as he caressed my cheek.

“That I’m not worthy of you and that you’ve fucked her,” I muttered, looking down at my daughter who was in my lap.

“She’s so fired,” Edward seethed. “I’m not worthy of you, gorgeous. You and Kyra are my life. I’d give anything for you. Do anything for you. As for ‘fucking’ her, I wouldn’t do it with Emmett’s dick. She’s just nasty.”