What am I doing? You’re crazy, Isabella? He’s going to see you. He’s going to know that you’re broken. This is madness. Put the robe back on and fucking leave. I was trembling, desperate to show Edward that I was not broken. But, I was. Though, I wanted to feel him, his body. He’d never been anything but loving, kind and patient with me. He never pushed me.
I wanted to rewrite history. History of me losing my virginity. History from this hotel where I cried in fear of what I did to Edward, using him in order to feel pleasure. It felt good the moment it happened, but I was no better than the monsters who used me for their pleasure. Edward stood up, moving in front of me. “I can feel your fear, pretty Bella,” he whispered, taking my face in his warm hands. “I don’t …”
“You said I have a choice,” I choked out. “I choose you.”
“I have a choice, too, Bella,” he murmured. “I don’t want you to feel how you did before. I heard your thoughts, felt your shame. You did not use me. It was pleasure freely given. In case you’ve forgotten, I also enjoyed it, too.” I blinked up at him and saw his crooked smirk. I stepped forward, my fingers tracing the black ink, whorls on his pale, but muscular body. “Bella …”
“I trust you,” I whispered. “I know you’d never hurt me.”
“But, I don’t want you terrified of me,” he said, pressing his forehead against mine.
“I’m not afraid of you. I … I have to do this, Edward. I can’t move forward if I don’t. I have zero control in my life right now. I lost my job, which I got a new one. My life isn’t my life. I’m under the care of a legion of angels because my ex-boyfriend, who’s under the control of Lucifer, has a bug up his ass to get back together with me and do things …,” I said, slamming my eyes shut. “All because my father was a Dominion.”
Edward looked at me, his fingers grazing my cheeks. Blinking open my eyes, I stared into his jade-colored orbs, praying he believed me. I wanted this. I wanted him. He kissed me tenderly, his lips molding against mine. My arms slid up his shoulders and I tangled my fingers into his hair. Keeping his mouth on mine, he bent down and picked me up, carrying me to the king-sized bed that dominated the room. Laying me down on the bed, he slid next to me, his eyes never leaving mine.
“Touch me,” I whispered. “Please?” Show me how it feels to be with someone who doesn’t hurt me …