“Be warned, though, Edward. You hurt my daughter or you suddenly decide you like men, I will shoot you in the ass or deport you back to wherever you came from. Got me?”
“Yes, sir,” Edward said as he threaded his fingers with mine. “I can assure that I will never, ever like men like that. I’m cool with people being gay but it’s not for me. In regards to hurting, Bella, I could never do that either. I love her too much.”
“Good,” Charlie said gruffly. He waved his hand and demanded the check. “I can tell you’re a good guy and I’d hate to shoot your ass.”
“Oh, Dad,” I moaned, covering my face.
“What? Tyler should be grateful that I didn’t aim my Colt at his balls, Isabella Marie,” Charlie spat, signing the credit slip with a little too much force. “He did the right thing in paying for his half of that too big apartment and forking over the money for the wedding, but it doesn’t negate the fact that my baby girl was hurt because he was a pussy.”
“Charlie, language,” Renee chided.
“What? Would it have been too difficult to say something prior to the wedding?” Charlie grumbled.
“Tyler was a pussy, Bella. A coward and a fool, too.”
“His loss is my gain,” Edward said as he smiled at my dad.
“Damn straight it is,” Charlie said. “Now, I’d like to go home and watch some sports, scratch my balls and drink some beer. Maybe, if I feel like it, I may fart.” He pushed away from the table, walking stiffly to the exit. My mom was crimson, trying to hide behind her napkin. Edward was chuckling quietly and I was just flummoxed.
Did that really happen?