Sunday, February 10, 2013

A Prescription for Love Teaser

An hour into the flight, Bella was snoozing in my arms. I was drifting, but every time the flight attendant walked past me, she bumped my elbow. The fifth time she did it, I glared at her. “Do you mind?”

“Mind what?” she asked, blinking at me seductively.

“You keep running into my arm and it’s a bit obnoxious,” I snapped.

“I was hoping you’d, um, join me in the…” she purred, looking at the unoccupied bathroom. “Your wife wasn’t too keen on joining the exclusive club.”

Decided to play up the notion that I was on my honeymoon, I glowered at the insane flight attendant, who looked like Miss Piggy. “Look, I’m on my honeymoon with my wife. What I was saying to her was between her and me. Not you. Besides, have you ever heard of the phrase ‘rode hard and put away wet?’ Well, that’s you. You’ve probably been inducted into the mile-high club numerous times and let’s just say that I don’t know what you’ve got floating around your body. I highly suggest you get tested for STDs. Now, it would behoove you to leave me and my wife alone. You’re a skank and let’s just say that your behavior will be documented. A nice long letter will be sent to your supervisor about your lewd and unprofessional behavior.”

“I’m so sorry,” she blanched. “Please don’t…”

“Too late,” I bit back.

“Mr. Cullen, please don’t. I need this job,” she pleaded.

“You should have thought about that before you propositioned me for sex. And it’s Dr. Cullen,” I spat, turning away from her, effectively ending my conversation with her. She scampered away. I mentally wrote my letter to the airline, describing the flight attendant’s unbecoming behavior. Ten minutes later, the purser came by and explained that the flight attendant, Rebecca, was going to reassigned to the coach. The purser, Nettie, was taking over for Rebecca. I nodded, closing my eyes and holding Bella closer to my body. Eventually, I fell asleep, thanks to my exhaustion and the wonderful invention of Lorazapam.

When my eyes fluttered open, it was dark. Bella was reading, her head leaning on my shoulder. “Hey,” I croaked out.

“Hi,” she smiled. “You were out, baby.”

“Yeah,” I said intelligently, rubbing my face. “How long?”

“We’ve got about a half hour until we land in Oahu,” she explained. “Also, the older flight attendant, Nettie, gave me this to give to you.” She handed me an envelope. “I don’t know what it’s about but, I said I’d give it to you.”

I opened up the envelope and saw four vouchers. The vouchers were good for any flight that the airline flew to. On a handwritten note, there was an explanation.

Dr. and Mrs. Cullen,

On behalf of the airline, we are deeply sorry for the actions of our flight attendant, Rebecca. She will be punished according the procedures stated in our handbook. After speaking to our head of marketing on the satellite phone, he agreed to give you and your wife four free vouchers to any location that we fly to as compensation for the transgressions of our employee. Please don’t hesitate to contact the head marketing directly if you have any questions.

Mr. Arthur Serratos
aserratos (at) unitedairlines (dot) com

Thank you,

Nettie Barnes

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