Monday, June 25, 2012

The Geek's Guide to Parenthood Teaser

“Bella, I can hear you huffing from across the house,” Edward snickered as he crawled into bed.

“I’m bored, Edward. My back hurts. I’m horny. I’m hungry. I want you to fuck me. I want chocolate,” I whined.

“Wow. That’s quite a list,” he chuckled. “Bored…can’t help you there unless you want your laptop? You could do some writing or work on Rose’s movie thing?”

“That would help,” I pouted.

“Your back hurts. Hmmmm, I can get you a heating pad and once I’m done, I’ll give you a massage,” he said as he moved closer to me, draping his arm over my beach ball that was my waist. I nodded and looked up into his golden eyes. I bit my lip, reaching for the waist of his grubby jeans. “Move this fingers away from the peen, Cullen.”

“Come on! I’m fucking horny. Please, Edward. I need to feel you,” I pleaded, rubbing on him like I was a cat.

“Bella, you went into pre-term labor. When Dr. Payne checked you out at the last appointment, you are four centimeters dilated,” Edward explained. “You do not need my peen poking you to cause Owen to come early.”

“Can’t you go down on me or something? Anything?”

“Gorgeous,” he said as he took my face into his hands. “I love going down on you. I love making you come, but, Dr. Payne said no sex. No sexual activity. Owen has to cook in the oven for at least two more weeks.”

“Edward, please do not refer to my uterus as an oven if you ever want to have any more children,” I said. “Do you value your manhood?”

“Very much,” he squeaked as he cupped his cock. “Sorry, baby. Your uterus is not an oven. I do want more 
children. As a truce, how about I get you some chocolate?”

“Okay,” I said. “And my laptop and my iPod.”

“Yes, love,” he said as he kissed my nose.

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