Thursday, April 5, 2012

You Know You're Reading Twilight Fanfiction When...

  1. Bella is clumsy, shy and constantly bites her lower lip when she’s nervous
  2. Edward finds her lip biting habits sexy
  3. Edward is jealous, over protective and a bit controlling
  4. Edward has a temper
  5. Though there are no vampires and no werewolves, Human Edward can actually GROWL
  6. Edward has the greenest eyes she’s ever seen and a panty dropping crooked smile
  7. Edward always has velvety smooth, warm voice that turns to rough when he wants Bella
  8. Bella has the deepest brown eyes and he can see to her soul through them
  9. Edward has a monster cock that deserves an award and can put any other to shame ;)
  10. Though some might think physically impossible, Edward can get hard in less than 3 seconds after seeing Bella only bite her lip
  11. Tanya is a bitch
  12. Rose is the coolest badass ever
  13. Esme is always wiping tears from her eyes somewhere
  14. Carlisle the kindest and most compassionate Doctor ever… unless you’re reading a SAVAGE story [Lorabell note: or Emancipation Proclamation where he’s a straight up badass]
  15. Unless it’s a sex marathon story or a Dadward/Momella story, you’re gonna have to wait till they say “I love you” before sex
  16. Edward always gets Bella to come only 2 seconds before him and both always happen explosively with white spots behind their eyelids
  17. Alice is referred to as a pixie, loves Bella barbie and always takes her shopping against her will
  18. No matter how long the story is or what genre but you’ll ALWAYS find Edward in a towel somewhere with Bella there to drool over the V between his hips
  19. Bella hates wearing heels, calls them “death traps” and they’re usually forced on her by Alice or Rose
  20. Edward has LONG fingers that can do wonders with music and Bella’s [*cough* and Lorabell’s *cough*] lady bits
  21. Charlie is always always always fishing… I mean, dude get a life - no one fishes 24/7 not even in Canon
  22. Jacob is bad. If he’s not bad, he’s gay. If he’s not gay, he’s a dog. Literally.
  23. Mike is a douche. No matter what he does and how nice he is, he’s always a douche with a small dick
  24. EVERY TIME Bella and Edward have sex, it’s better than the last and the best sex they have ever had. EVER.
  25. Jake almost ALWAYS ends up with Leah
  26. Rosalie always smacks Emmet on the back of his head… if she’s not around then it’s Esme
  27. They always rip condoms with their teeth
  28. At one time or another you’ll find that “she/he saw something unreadable flicker in his/her eyes but it disappeared before she/he could see what it was”
  29. The author will almost always sneak in at least one book or movie quote
  30. When most normal people would have reached for the telephone and dialed 911, Bella is NOT freaked out by Edward watching her sleep
*Credit - Twilight Parody PL, Tumblr*


  1. Hilarious, and while unfortunately true, or mostly, anyway, we all seem to love it, cuz we still read them! But thanks for the list. I thoroughly enjoyed it and will pass the link on so we can all laugh at ourselves!