The Geek's Guide to Parenthood Teaser

Matthew took the carrier from me as I knocked on the door. Rose flung open the door and gave me a look complete joy. “Can you take Ava? I’ve had to pee for like ever and I didn’t want to leave her unattended. Lucas is in the pack and play in the living room.”

“Okay,” I said as I took my goddaughter from her arms. Rose darted into her bathroom, not bothering to close the door as she whipped down her sweatpants and peeing like a race horse. She moaned quietly. “Jesus, Rose. Having kids has really changed you, chick. This place is a pit and can’t you close the door? I don’t want to see your rolls.”

“Fuck you, Bella,” Rose barked. “You have rolls, too.”

“I beg to differ, Rosalie. I’m down to my pre-Kyra weight. Even a little less. However, Edward does like the fact that my boobs are bigger, though. I’m now a full C-cup whereas I was just a mid-B,” I snickered. “He loves my boobies.” Matthew let out a strangled giggle. “Sorry, Matthew. Too much information?”

“It’s a combination of that and seeing Miss Rosalie in the bathroom,” he said nervously as he scooped Kyra from her carrier and placed her in the bouncy chair. “We all know that you and Mr. Edward have a healthy sex life. Kyra is proof of that. Right, Kyra?”

“Ma!” she squealed, bouncing in the chair.

“And the random articles of clothing that we find in odd places. I was getting a glass from the dishwasher when I found a pair of Mr. Edward’s boxer briefs in there a few days ago,” Matthew snorted.

“Shut it, Matthew. You’ll understand when you’re married,” I said, arching a brow.

“Matthew, do that voodoo to Lucas. He’s been fussy all morning,” Rose called from the bathroom, obviously doing more than just pissing. A plop indicated what she was doing in there and I wrinkled my nose while I closed the door. “Too much?”

“You’re disgusting, Rose,” I said through the now closed door. “And shower! You smell.”

“Watch my kids,” she laughed.

“Can you believe her, Matthew?”

“Not really, Miss Bella. I can’t believe how much Lucas looks like Miss Rosalie,” he murmured as he cradled the tiny baby boy to his chest. “Perhaps he’ll get better manners, though. Hearing Miss Rosalie chuck a deuce was not on my list of things to do.”

“Me neither, Matthew,” I giggled. Carrying Ava to the living room couch, I sat down near my baby girl and held Ava to Kyra. “Say hello to your cousin, Ava, principessa.”

“Aah!” Kyra squeaked. She bounced happily.