I sat nervously in the waiting room of my therapist. I nibbled on my fingernail. We had a great deal to discuss. I had told her about Edward last week and she was happy that I found someone to trust. Let alone a man. However, I still harbored these feelings of fear. Edward promised to me on his daughter's life that he would never harm me. I wanted to believe him. Desperately wanted to believe him but I was so afraid to do so.
I blew out a breath and followed my therapist, Pam, into her warm office. "How are you doing?" I asked conversationally.
"I'm good. Ready for Christmas. You?" she asked.
"Nervous," I tittered anxiously. I sat down on the couch, curling my feet under my body.
"Um, you know that guy I told you about? Edward?" I whispered. Pam nodded and smiled softly, her blue eyes twinkling. "Well, we went out on Saturday and then again on Sunday. He asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes."
"That's wonderful, Bella," Pam mused. "He must be very special."
"I think he is, but he invited me to his family's home for Christmas. I mean, we just started dating. Isn't it a bit soon for that?" I squeaked.
"Possibly. But, he probably cares a great deal about you or else he wouldn't have invited you," Pam said quietly. "I understand your trepidation and nerves. However, you've agreed to go and you have to follow through."
"I know. But, I'm so afraid that he's going to realize that I'm too fucked up and…" I muttered.
"Bella, you are not 'fucked up,'" Pam said sternly. "You've been through hell and back. You survived. You're alive. You showed great courage to overcome your ordeal."
"But am I living?" I asked, furrowing my brows. "There are some days that I feel like I'm going through the motions but not truly living. I'm so fearful of what James…that he…"
"James is in jail. He can't get you," Pam explained. "Even if he was released, he doesn't know you're here. PLUS you have a permanent restraining order against him."
"Like a piece of paper will stop him," I mumbled.
Emma's Panda Bear
Bella's outfit for the holiday program