As always, I own none of this. I am not Stephenie Meyer. Never will be. I just love to borrow her delicious characters and make them have sex, talk dirty and yeah, do pervy things. Also, I want to give huge shoutout to Mrs. Bella Masen, who is my wonderful beta. She makes my writing not suck. Tee hee
This Outtake for ANSOL is for 'Mostly a Lurker' who needs to raise funds for a new service dog, Leo. I hope that everyone will donate their money and/or time for her plight. If you have any questions, I have a post in my fanfic profile. I wish you the best of luck, girl! You're in my prayers!
Attack of the Killer Lube…It's Coming to GET YOU!
"Edward Anthony Masen Cullen! I'm seriously going to kick your lily white ass," Bella growled.
"Put the damn seat down!"
"I did!" I barked. Bella stomped into the family room, glaring at me. Her slight baby bump was jutting between her hips and she never looked sexier.
God, I love this woman.
"I swear, gorgeous," I said, batting my eyes at my wife.
"Okay, who left up the seat, then? The toilet fairy?" Bella asked, arching her brow. "Cornish pixies that want me to fall into the toilet? Huh?"
"Maybe Ricky or Johnny," I offered. "I haven't even been in the bathroom since I got home from work."
Bella snarled and went clomping toward the loft apartment we had above the garage for our two bodyguards. I hopped up and ran off behind my wife. I stopped her, wrapping my arms around her waist. "Bella, I know that you are pissed about the toilet seat, but don't yell at them. They are protecting us from…"
"I know, I know," she sighed. "Can you please talk to them? If I see the seat left up, AGAIN, I will seriously cut one of their dicks off."
Ahhh, dirty, snarky Bella is out to play. Pregnancy hormones make her something else…can we please have some fun between the sheets?
I'm really turning into Jasper and adopting his sexual deviant tendencies. What the hell!