Sunday, September 25, 2011

The Geek's Guide to Parenthood Teaser

Once we were inside, Bella got very quiet. She was nibbling on her lip and shifted on her feet. “Bella, what’s wrong?” I asked.

“I’m nervous,” she mumbled.

“Why? It’s just me,” I said as I caressed her cheek. “We’ve seen each other naked.”

“I’m different, Edward. My body isn’t the same. What if you hate what you see?” she asked, her eyes brimming with tears.

“Bella, you are the most beautiful in the world. I don’t care if you have lumps, bumps or sags,” I said. “I have no ass. Do you hate me because I have no ass?”

“Edward, you have a nice ass,” she retorted. “But that’s different. You were born that way. My body has changed. I’m not as skinny as I used to be. My boobs are huge.”

“I love that,” I said as I pulled her against my chest. “I hope you don’t lose those.”

“You like boobs?”

“Are you serious? I’m a straight man. Of course I like boobs. I love boobs,” I snickered. “I especially love your boobs.”

“God, you’re a perv,” she giggled as she wrapped her arms around my waist. “But I’m still nervous.”

“What can I do to help you not be nervous? Shave my head?”

“Fuck no. Your hair is your crowning glory. If you shave your head, that’s grounds for divorce,” she said seriously.

“Okay, no shaving of the head. I could get some random piercing?”

“Edward, stop,” she said as she pushed me to the couch. I sat down and pulled her over my lap. “It’s all in my head. You’re a fucking Greek god and I’m a lowly human with stretch marks and saggy boobs.”

“A Greek god? Really? A Geek god is more like it, gorgeous. Remember, I’m Sexy GEEK Boy,” I laughed. “Greek god…that’s rich.”

“Edward, you always say that I don’t see myself clearly. Now it’s my turn to let you in to a little secret. You’re fucking hot. You have this amazing face with a chiseled jaw, slightly crooked nose that makes you look rugged and not too pretty. Your eyes are golden pools that I want to drown myself in. Your hair is a million facets of bronze, copper, red, gold and brown. Your body is fucking sick. I mean your abs have abs. I may have to have Ricky and Johnny work with me to get me back into shape. But what makes the most attractive is your mind. You are so smart and loving and funny and perfect, it’s maddening how wonderful you are,” she said as she tugged on my hair. She kept her hand in my locks, forcing me to stare into her eyes. And I did. Before I pulled her face down to mine and crashing my lips against hers.
Bella melted against me and moaned quietly as her tongue slid between my lips. Her fingers moved from my hair and went to my tie, frantically tugging it until it was thrown across the room. I pulled away, “Hold on, gorgeous.” I stood up and she wrapped her legs around my waist. I carried her to the bedroom and placed her on the bed.

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