Sunday, August 21, 2011

EC:AWIP Update...

Twenty Steps Back

As I predicted, we had a rough night. Or rather, rough couple of nights. Aw, hell. Who am I kidding? The past month has sucked ass. Bella fell into herself and wouldn't talk to anybody. Not me. Not Rose. Not Emmett. No one. It got so troublesome, that Legacy upped her sessions to every day.

And the nightmares…

She screamed nightly. Waking up in a cold sweat, trying to fight her way to freedom. But there was no one to fight. Or rather, she fought me. I was covered in bruises from her punches and swipes that she took. When she woke up, she'd apologize for hurting me. However, it would repeat over and over again.

I felt horribly for her. There was nothing I could do to help her. I felt worthless and powerless. I didn't how what to do and it was driving me crazy.

The only thing that brought some life to her eyes was when I played the piano. Or sang. For my music theory class, we had to do a great deal of composition and she would sit and listen while I worked on my homework. It was the only time I saw my girl. Other than that, she faded away. Her cinnamon eyes became dull and lifeless. Her face was pulled into a grimace or a sneer. Her posture was defeated.
I drove Bella to Legacy this morning because she slept very little the night before. Her eyes were shut as I drove to Bellevue. I know that I was sporting some substantial under eye circles as I was sleeping even less than Bella. I was doing school work. Working at Dreamstyle. Worrying about her. I was burning the candle at both ends and in the middle. I could feel myself move closer to the brink. To a breakdown.

I can't have that. I needed to get myself under control.

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