“It’s so hard for me to feel like a woman when what essentially made me a woman is gone. You’ve done a fabulous job in making me feel desirable, but I still feel like a freak. I have this nasty scar on my belly because of what happened to me. Of what James did to me.”
“Bella, you are beautiful. Did our discussion in the mirror mean nothing to you?” I asked, cupping her face in my hands. “In my eyes, you are the most desirable woman in the world. And I mean it when I want to make you feel cherished, worshiped, desired and loved.”
Tears spilled over her cheeks and Bella stood on her tip toes. She pressed a soft kiss to my lips. “Take me home and show me.”
Edward looked at me and his eyes widened slightly. His large warm hands cupped my face and he stared into my eyes. His jade orbs penetrating mine. “Are you sure?”
“Never been more sure about anything in my life,” I replied in a tiny voice. In actuality I was panicking. I felt like I didn’t deserve this man in front of me. He was the largest pain in my ass but his heart was so big. So loving. I can see why he was the way he is after the brief conversation I had with his mom. Esme was everything in a mother that I didn’t have.
But she wasn’t perfect. Esme had her faults. She kicked her 18 year old son out of the house because he didn’t adhere to the rules set forth by Edward’s father. I could tell that that decision will forever weigh on her mind and heart. She loved Edward. She hated what she did to him.
But it was because of what she did to him that he got his strength. If only I had an ounce of that. I could get through my life without the constant pain. I hated my life. I hated my decisions. I hated so many things. The only thing that was positive in my life was Edward.
However, I was going to taint him. Spread my cancer to his good soul. Selfishly, I wanted to gather him in my arms and never let him go. But my mind pretty told me that he was going to see how fucked up I am and dump my ass. He’s going to see that I’m irreparably damaged. First by my foster brother and then again by James. I don’t want my relationship with Edward to be another thing I have to survive. My mind, my heart, my soul cannot handle that. I may finish what I started in that dingy hotel room if…
Stop it, Bella.