“Bells! Edward! We need you!” Nia shouted into the green room.
Before leaving, Edward cupped my face. “I love you, baby,” he said. “I’m glad that we have an idea as to who is doing this. I hate that our lives are disrupted because of it. I would do anything to make sure that you’re safe, protected.”
“Having him caught would be ideal,” I snorted.
“GUYS!” Nia whined. “Come on! Our time is precious. Move it! You better not be fucking down there.”
I blanched, shooting up and running to the bathroom. I lost my breakfast and lunch, retching violently. Edward held my hair back as I threw up. Falling back onto my ass, bit back tears. Edward gathered me in his arms and held me tightly. Nia was bitching, but she stopped complaining when she saw me having a full-fledged panic attack in the arms of my husband. I eventually calmed down, but we lost almost an hour and half of sound check because of my drama. Kellan was understanding, as was Lou, but Nia was upset.
At who? I have no fucking clue. I’m the one who was having mental breakdown.
For fuck sakes!
As I was getting ready, Nia came into my dressing room. She looked guilty, sad. I was sipping some hot tea, trying relax my voice since it was very raw from throwing up and crying. “Bella?” she whispered. “I hope you didn’t think I was being insensitive with that comment earlier.” I didn’t reply, just trying to stay calm and not fall into another panic attack. “Bells?”
“Nia, I …” I trailed. “I can’t really get into it right now. I’m exhausted from what happened and I have to put on a show. I don’t have the luxury to have another panic attack. We can talk once we’re done, okay?”
“Yeah,” Nia said, her posture defeated and upset. “I’m sorry.”
I nodded, applying the rest of my makeup as the Cliffhangers began their opening. Nia left and I felt bad that I was so cold to her, but I couldn’t run the risk of having another panic attack. I didn’t want to take my anti-anxiety medications. They knocked me out and with a two and half hour concert, I needed to be coherent. Edward and the rest of the band came in, along with Kellan, and we did our pre-show routine of praying.
After that, we went up to the stage, watching the last few songs of the Cliffhanger’s opening. They left the stage and our concert began in earnest. I struggled through the concert. It was all due to the panic attack and my brain being all befuddled. I missed cues, sang wrong words and had such a hard time hitting some of the notes in our songs. Edward and I made it work, performing duets of some of our famous songs, but I’d sing the lower part while Edward sang my usual vocal line.
Once the concert was over, we rode back to the hotel and I dozed off against Edward’s shoulder. Nia was still upset and Jasper tried to explain my panic attacks and how I dealt with stress. She had never experienced one of the more severe panic attacks like today. I made a vow to talk to her tomorrow, but when I was coherent and able to handle all the drama.
But, would the drama ever really go away?