TOTGA Chapter 56 on AO3
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Edward was an anxious mess as he drove to Bella’s apartment. He rehearsed his apology over in his head, but he was terrified that he was going to make things worse with his nervous ramblings. Think positive, Cullen. Parking next to her Volvo, Edward got out of the car and walked to the main entrance. Using his key, he let himself into the building and rode up to Bella’s floor. Shifting nervously in front of her door, he knocked timidly.
The door unlocked and Bella stood before him, her eyes empty and sad.
Fuck, I’m such a moron, Edward spat to himself. “Can I come in?”
Bella nodded, stepping to the side and granting him access. He stepped inside, seeing all the flowers he’d sent to her. The apartment really did look like a funeral parlor and smelled like one, too. The overbearing scent of roses and lilies reminded him of his Grammy Platt’s funeral when he was in middle school. It was not a pleasant memory, to say the least. “Would you like some water? Beer?” Bella asked.
“I want to apologize, sweetness,” Edward choked out. “I want to make things right between us.” He gently took her hand, guiding her to the couch. She was trembling and very closed off, huddling in a tiny ball and staying as far away, physically, from him. “Bella, I was so wrong in what I said. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me and to my children.”
“But, you don’t trust me with them,” she spat.
“Bella, no,” Edward whispered, taking her hand and cupping her chin. “I said that … I was angry at Tanya. At least, I think it was Tanya. I contacted the police, but they spoke to her and she denied being in contact with them. Anyway, I was pissed off about her and I took it out on you. I know you adore my children and would do anything for them.” Tears tracked down Bella’s cheeks. Wiping her tears away, he stared at her. “I’m so sorry. I never meant to lash out at you, sweetness. Please, please, forgive me.”
“I understand that you were worried about your children. I was terrified for them, too, Edward,” Bella said, turning and curling up on the couch, pushing further away from him. “I wanted to …” she trailed off. “And to think that you didn’t trust me with them.”
“Bella, you are one of the few people that I trust implicitly. I was just pissed off at the whole situation,” Edward said. “I took it out on you and I was completely wrong. What can I do to make you see that it wasn’t my intention to hurt you like that?” She shrugged. He gently tugged on her arms and gathered her in his lap. She was stiff, not melting against him like she usually did. “Bella, I love you. I want it all, with you. You are the mother to my children and I want you to see that I will do everything for you to see that I believe it.”
“I don’t know how to be a mom. I mean, my mom didn’t stay around to show me,” Bella choked out, barely audible. “And when you said that …” Her eyes fluttered shut and her tears turned into streams.
“Bella, sweetness, look at me,” Edward said, taking her face in his hands. Her frown deepened and she shook her head. “I mean it, Isabella. I want you to see my eyes when I apologize.” Her eyes blinked open and they were shimmering with unshed tears. It shattered Edward. He hated himself for making her feel so worthless. “I’m sorry. So, so, so sorry. You are everything to me and to my children. You complete our family. My heart is whole when I’m around you. My children feel a mother’s love. I love you and I want you in our lives forever. This week has been torture. I’ve missed you so much and it was all my fault. I’ll do anything to prove to you that I’m sorry for how I acted.”