Angels and Monsters Update

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I collapsed onto the ground, my body just giving out. I whimpered quietly, the emptiness stifling me. The sounds of my angry family erupted all around me. Alice was hissing to Emmett and Jasper was trying to get to me, but my shield was firmly planted around me. Tears tracked down my face, falling onto the patio, melting the brick.

“Bella, let me in,” Jasper pleaded. “Please, baby girl!”

I shook my head, not wanting him to get near me. His arms were not the ones I wanted. I needed Edward. Apparently, though, he didn’t need me. I curled further into myself, pressing my cheek to the ground and losing it completely. My sobs echoed through the backyard. Jasper fell to his knees, lying next to me. “Bells, please? Let me help you.”

“He doesn’t want me,” I sobbed brokenly. “Why doesn’t he want me?”

“Bells, he does want you. He doesn’t want to lose you,” Jasper explained. “His fear was crippling.”

“Like mine isn’t?” I asked, glaring at my brother. “I have to go back to the man who raped me. The man who took everything away from me.” I sat up, darting away from my family. My heart constricted and I felt sick, empty, hollow. Reaching a cliff, I curled up and lost it again, sobbing brokenly. I kept my shield around me. I didn’t want to be comforted. I didn’t want to be coddled. At that moment, I hated Edward. I had finally opened my heart, allowed myself to feel again and I had it thrown back in my face. We were mated. Why did he run?

I knew that Alice’s suggestion of the two of us going to James would not be received lightly. It was the only thing that would ensure our survival. The visions that Alice had after we received that letter from James were gruesome. None of us survived. James would take me once more, brutally before Tanya wrenched my head from my body. Edward would willingly walk into flames, to try and save me, but both of us would perish. That seemed almost pleasant compared to the emptiness I felt. My chest ached and I hated it.

“Bella, I know you’re here,” called Carlisle. “Your shield doesn’t block your scent.” He walked through the clearing and sat down next to me. He didn’t say anything. I just sat on my boulder, urging the ache away. An hour of just sitting, Carlisle shifted. “I can’t imagine what you’re feeling, Bella.”

“Then, don’t,” I said coldly. “The one person who…” I stopped, whimpering quietly. The pain radiated from my chest and spread to my whole body.

“Edward…”

“Don’t. Say. His. Name,” I spat, glaring at Carlisle.

“I’m sorry. He is so new to this life, just surviving a brutal attack from the vampire you are going to,” Carlisle offered. “He is terrified of losing you. His entire life has been turned upside down, inside out and backwards. The one person, his sire, his soul mate, is going to fight for our lives in enemy territory. If it were Esme, I would feel the same way.”