The Next Chapter on AO3
The Next Chapter on TWCS
I was getting ready to be released from the hospital two
days later. The orthopedic surgeon had to go in and make some minor corrections
to the pins in my arm because I was complaining of shooting pains radiating up
and down my hand. The pins were too close to my already frayed nerves and they
needed to be readjusted. I had a long recovery for my arm ahead of me, along
with the emotional fallout.
My children were clingy and needy, wanting to be almost
inside of me. However, my injuries prevented them from getting too close. In
addition to my broken arm, I had several fissures in my ribs and numerous sets
of stitches on my legs, torso and head from the shattered glass from the car
accident. The girls, thankfully, had no lasting physical effects from our
ordeal. Unfortunately, they were in desperate need of therapy from the
atrocities that Mike and Renee subjected us to. Dr. Marcus volunteered to work
with all of our children, coming out to the house because the kids were afraid
of getting into a car and being kidnapped.
Edward was still walking on egg shells around me. His entire
being was fraught with guilt and pain. He apologized to me over and over again,
begging for forgiveness. He felt awful for saying what he did to me. For the
most part, I forgive him. But, there is that niggling voice in the back of my
head that if he said it in anger, does he have those feelings in his heart? So,
I’ve been distant with my husband. I’ve been grateful for all of the help he’s
done for me in taking care of me, washing my hair, helping me in the bathroom
and just being my go-fer, but I was fearful that he was only doing that out of
obligation to squash the guilt he felt. Not because he loved me.
And that, my dear friends, is why I needed to talk to
someone. Yes, I was dealing with the turmoil of my abduction and the nightmares
that followed it, but it was lack of faith in my husband’s seemingly loving
gestures and fear that he was not doing it because he loved me but out of
guilt.
I sound so petty and childish, but I cannot shake that feeling.
No comments:
Post a Comment