Monday, October 21, 2013

Starlet Update

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I found myself staring at my ring. It had become my new favorite past time. It had been a couple of weeks since Edward’s proposal on his balcony on that balmy April evening. He had completely thrown me for a loop. I’d never, ever seen him so upset in all of my life prior to that and honestly, the proposal had shocked me. I thought he was going to dump my needy ass, but instead, he dropped to one knee and asked for my hand.
Prior that though, my Edward was usually calm, cool and collected. But, when I went downstairs to scream at him about forcing me out of the house to go to couple’s therapy, his golden eyes were strained and his face was red with anger.
He had had it. And he left. Not that I blamed him. If I could, I would have loved to escape from my special brand of crazy. Permanently.
He exploded at me for giving up and for not wanting us. In a way, I had. I had given up on a lot of things because of what had happened to me. To some extent, I felt safe in Carlisle and Esme’s home but in the back of my mind, I knew that our bubble was going to burst at some point. That point came sooner rather than later with Edward’s angry tirade. Dr. Myerson expected the blow up, really. She was borderline giddy when Edward started screaming at me and stormed out of the house.
I thought she had lost it. My therapist was cuckoo for cocoa puffs. Okay, not really. It was, as she said, a breakthrough.
I was also just shocked. And honestly, ready to leave and never come back.
Where would I go was the question?
Apparently, not far. Alice talked me out of it and instead of running from my problems, I faced them head on. Dr. Myerson managed to get me into see a psychiatrist, Dr. Rickert, that afternoon. I was put on medications for my severe depression and anxiety along with seeing a rape counselor at the suggestion of Dr. Myerson. Even though I wasn’t raped, per se, I was still violated and not in control, unable to remember what had happened to me.
Upon the return to the house, I showered and tried to pull it together. Edward still hadn’t returned from wherever he went. Carlisle had a knowing look on his face. He knew where his nephew was and obviously wasn’t telling me. I stayed in the dark until Edward came home shortly after midnight. He hadn’t come in to check on me or anything. I knew I had to fix this. Inadvertently, I’d fucked up.  In order to do that, I had to talk to him.
I was dreading that conversation. Gulp.

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