Monday, September 30, 2013

Surviving the Teenage Dream Teaser

“I’m not cheating on Alice. I’m personally a little sick of her, but I’m not cheating on her,” Jasper said, stuffing Kleenex up his nostrils. “I fucking need a nose job, asshole.”

“Sick of her?”

“Edward, I love your sister, but she’s so overbearing and bossy,” Jasper grumbled, poking his nose. 
“She takes the ‘type A’ personality and multiplies by a thousand. She’s driving me up the fucking wall. The world doesn’t revolve around Mary Alice Whitlock. Yet, she thinks it does.”

“Jas, you knew this when you married her. Alice’s middle name is bossy. It’s her coping mechanism for being the youngest child out of three,” I said, arching a brow.

“She’s taking it to a whole new level. She’s telling me what I can and cannot eat. She’s making me work out. She’s forcing me to the salon to get my hair colored. She’s even dictating when I can go to the bathroom. It has to be around her schedule,” Jasper said, his face flushed. “Not to mention she’s become obsessed with working out and getting botox. In addition to that, I’m not allowed to…”

“Enough! My sister is an overbearing little shit!” I snarled. “Jasper, do you still love her?”

“I loved how she was a few years ago,” Jasper sighed. “This new Alice? This control freak? I don’t love her at all. She’s making my life hell.” That I did understand. She was trying to do the same to all of us in my household. Hence, the reason for me in getting her to leave. “I don’t know if we’re going to make it.”

“Well, first off, you need to talk to her,” I said, glowering at him. “Alice is up in arms and pissed at you. She doesn’t know about your mom. That’s the biggest part of this situation. Her lack of knowledge! Secondly, you guys can’t throw away nearly twenty-five years of a relationship away over something small like being overbearing. Alice must be doing this to compensate for something.”

“Yeah. Getting old,” Jasper barked. “She’s been depressed ever since she noticed her first gray hair. Plus, she’s going through menopause. She’s all sorts of hormonal and having hot flashes and shit.”

“Then, go to marriage counseling, convince Alice to go to a therapist. Don’t give up on your marriage because of this,” I said, glowering at my brother-in-law. “Go to my house, pick up your wife and kid and make it better, Jasper. I’m sorry about your mom and for smashing your nose into your face, but don’t throw this away. Got it?”

Jasper sighed, nodding slightly. “I hope that…this can be fixed,” he said, looking up at me. Pushing away from the sink, he smacked my head. “Next time, I’ll break your nose, jackass.”

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