“Now, how about you? How are the meds working out?” Dr. Myerson questioned.
“Good. I don’t feel as raw as before and I have better control over my emotions,” I said.
“Why did you want to go on them, Edward?”
“Because, I need to be Bella’s rock,” I answered immediately. “I was put through the physical wringer, but Bella is battling so many demons with the emotional and mental clusterfuck James and Jacob dealt to her. I can’t be there for her if I’m just as much of a mess as her.”
“Your reasons for being on the medication are admirable,” Dr. Myerson said.
“Why do I feel that there’s a but coming?” I quipped.
“Because there is,” she chuckled. “But, they aren’t the right reasons. I’m glad you’re on them, but you need to take them for you and your mental well-being. Being strong for Bella is admirable, but you have your own healing to contend with. You’re further along than Bella, but I knew you would be. You’re not dealing the lack of memories from that night.”
“No, I just see what those monsters did to her on a regular basis,” I said, sitting back on the leather sofa. “I’ve always been the rock for Bella. She comes off as being strong and slightly bitchy in interviews, but she’s quite fragile and desperately wants positive attention. Hell, her father hasn’t even called to check on her after her attack. I know that they are estranged, but if it were my daughter, regardless of our relationship, I’d want to know if she was okay. You know?”
Dr. Myerson wrote down a note before smiling at me. “Edward, I know you want to protect Bella and be there for her, but you need to take care of yourself, too. I definitely think that you are doing the right things with going on the medication and continuing to see me. But, your emotional healing should not go on the back burner because of your sense of needing to protect Bella.”
“It’s hard for me not to,” I said, shooting up from the couch. “I was hired, three years ago, to be her bodyguard. My job was solely to protect her. Unfortunately, as a boyfriend, I failed and I feel guilty.”
“You shouldn’t. You weren’t the one who hurt her. Jacob and James did. Besides, you got to her in the nick of time, Edward,” she admonished. “I couldn’t imagine how she’d react if she had been raped.”
“She’d be dead. I know my girl and if she knew that happened, Bella would have killed herself,” I said, my chest constricting at that fact. Dr. Myerson frowned but nodded in agreement. “Are we done?”
“Yeah,” she said. “Go love up your girl.”