Jolly Old St. Nicholas
"Bella? Why in the hell do I have to wear the stupid pillow?" I yelled.
"Because you have a six pack, Edward Anthony. Santa Claus is a bowl full of jello. You, my sexy husband, are not. Your muscles have muscles. It's sickening," Bella said as she came out of the bathroom, adjusting her wig. "I hate this thing. I don't even want to imagine all of the lice and cooties in here."
"Want to wear the pillow?" I asked as I held it up.
"Ah, no," she snickered. "I'm going to check on our elves, St. Studmuffin."
"St. Studmuffin," I deadpanned.
"Santa Claus was known as St. Nick. So, St. Studmuffin. There you go," Bella said as she breezed out of the bedroom.
I love my wife, really, I do, but sometimes she is just so random. St. Studmuffin. This coming from a woman who calls me Dr. McFuckme. I fucking love my random and sexy wife.