Before I knew it, I had someone banging on my door at the ass crack of dawn on Saturday. I heaved my body out of bed and found a very hyper Alice standing outside my apartment. “Morning, sunshine!” she chirped.
“It’s too damn early, Alice,” I grumbled. “Come back in an hour. Or four.”
“Nonsense. We need to get you beautified for your hot date with Music Man,” she said as she breezed into my apartment. “I brought coffee and scones. The chocolate ones you like so much.”
“Okay, you’re forgiven,” I said. I reached for the bag of goodies but Alice held it away from her body. “Alice, come on!”
“Before you can get your goodies, you need to shower and shave your pits, legs and poon,” Alice said, arching a brow.
“My what?” I squeaked.
“Your vajayjay, cooter, coochie…”
“Why? It’s not like he’s going to see it, Alice,” I said flatly.
“Just do it, Bella. It’ll make your bikini waxing a lot easier to handle,” Alice said as she pushed me toward my bathroom.
“Bikini waxing? Hell no, Ali,” I said. She shoved me into the bathroom with a maniacal laugh. I whimpered as I stripped out of my pajamas and proceeded to shower and shave all my important parts. Including my cooter. Why, I have no fucking clue but still…
I finished my shower and put on a pair of yoga pants and a hoodie. I padded back out of my bedroom, plopping down on my couch. Alice put a plate of scones in front of me along with a cup of coffee. “Why are you here so early, short stuff?”
“Because, I need to make you absolutely gorgeous for your date,” she giggled. “Duh! What time is Music Man picking you up?”
“He’s going to be here around five,” I answered.
“That gives us roughly five hours to make you fantastically beautiful,” Alice said.
“Really? Five hours? Really, Alice? This is a date. Not a wedding,” I said dryly. “I can make myself presentable in fifteen minutes. Not five hours. That’s ludicrous.”
“You don’t want to look presentable. You want to look jaw-dropping, heart-stoppingly gorgeous,” Alice said simply. “Want to see your outfit? I think you’ll like it.”
Alice squealed and went to my hall closet, pulling out a garment bag. She unzipped the bag and showed me a navy blue sheath dress with nude heels. She also showed me a cream colored coat and navy blue scarf. “Pretty, huh?”
“Very elegant,” I said. “How much do I owe you?”
“Nada,” she smiled. “Just let me have my fun in making you beautiful?”
“This is the only time, Alice,” I said pointedly. She smiled and hugged me tightly, prattling on about the things she was going to do to my hair, the makeup she was going to apply and the lingerie she wanted me to wear. What have I gotten myself into?