Tuesday, November 22, 2011

The Geek's Guide to Parenthood Update

Mr.and Mr. Alex and Demetri Volturi

I dropped off our suitcases to the cottage and dragged Demetri to this little bar I saw in town. It wasn't fancy or anything, but it will serve its purpose. Jasper was going to meet us there as soon as he got in from Chicago. When I called him, he said that he was about a half hour away from the vineyard. Demetri and I drove to the bar. We ordered some greasy bar food and waited for Jasper.

"How are you, Edward?" Demetri asked. "Nice face."

"Yeah, I had a run-in with a slut," I sighed. "Jasper's new assistant got into Bella's face, saying that she was sleeping with me and calling my beautiful wife fat. Plus, there was something about her that I just didn't trust. She was let go and she went completely crazy, flying at me and scratching my face and breaking my nose. Alex is adamant that my bruises by my eyes are covered up. Bella's putting some of her makeup shit on my face."

"Dude, that's gay," Demetri snorted.

"I know," I said flatly. "That's ironic that you're calling me wearing makeup 'gay'."

"Eh," he shrugged as he sipped his beer. "I don't look like a raccoon and have to wear concealer."

"Fuck you," I said as I threw a fry at Demetri. "I can pummel you and give you matching black eyes. Alex would love that." Demetri flipped me off and we fell into a comfortable conversation about the upcoming wedding.

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