Friday, September 30, 2011

The Geek's Guide to Parenthood Update


After our three days of bliss in Florence, Edward and I drove back to the villa. I was anxious to see my little girl. I hadn't held her for three days. THREE DAYS. That is sacrilege, I tell you. When we left the hotel, I begged Edward to break every speeding law in Italy. And he did. He was as anxious to see Kyra as I was.

Now, don't get me wrong. Reconnecting with Edward in the way that we had was amazing. I mean, completely euphoric. I forgot how much of a sex god my husband was. We went through an economy pack of condoms. In a day and a half. Edward had to go out and buy more because I needed him. Desperately. And we went through a second economy pack of condoms.

I rode my hubby's baloney pony into oblivion. He had a satisfied smirk on his face and I was positively glowing. I had me some wild monkey sex. In every which way we could have sex. There was not a flat surface that we didn't christen. Multiple times. I will definitely miss that once we're back home with our little one, but I'm so happy that my husband still found me attractive. Actually even more so. He loves my new boobies. I personally hate them, but Edward can't get enough of my engorged tatas.

We were nearly back to the villa when Edward sighed. "What's wrong, angel?"

"I'm kind of dreading our return. To the states, you know? We've been in this Italian bubble for the past two months. No worries about Emmett or his fucked-upedness. But, we have to go back in two days and I'm scared, Bella. There's so much to be scared about. My psycho brother is on the loose. My psycho brother who murdered his own father and is out to kill me. I can't even imagine anything happening to you, baby. Or Kyra. If something happened to either one of you, I'd die. I can't…"

"Edward, we're protected," I said as I took his hand. "We have Ricky and Johnny. You're a killer shot. I'm getting better. I get why you're freaking out. I'm scared, too. But, I can't let it control my life. Emmett will get what is coming to him."

"Hopefully a life sentence with no chance of parole," I grumbled. "So he can be a bitch to some inmate named Cletus. He can take in the ass."

"It's really not that bad," I giggled.

"When we have anal sex, love, it's consensual. Plus we've worked up to it," Edward said. "Emmett, will probably just be drilled and he'll be walking funny for life."

Edward pulled into the driveway and we headed into the villa. Esme was standing by the door with a huge grin on her face, holding Kyra. "My sweet girl," I cooed as I took my daughter from Esme's arms. Kyra smiled as she saw me, flapping her arms excitedly. "Momma's here, principessa. So is Daddy." Edward wrapped his arms around my waist and tickled Kyra's belly with his finger. Kyra squealed gleefully.

"Where you a good girl for Nana?" Edward asked her. Kyra replied with a loud fart. "Oh, my sweet, flatulent daughter."

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