My world lost its light and I was bathed in darkness once again.
Sam whimpered, putting his head on my lap. His gaze almost sympathetic and I slowly pet behind his ears. His face contorted as tears welled in my eyes. I felt so alone, so empty. I looked around my condo, surveying the destruction and I shook my head. I stiffly stood up. The door to my condo opened and I secretly hoped it would be Bella.
Unlikely, asshole. You broke up with her yesterday because you’re a fucking piece of work.
“Edward?” came the sweet voice of my mother. “Your downstairs neighbor called …” She looked around and gasped. “What happened? Were you robbed?”
I lifted my hand and let out a gruff, harsh laugh. “No,” I answered.
“Is it Bella?” she asked. Hearing Bella’s name made me choke and stumble. Esme walked over to me, guiding me to the couch. “Edward, you look … broken. Tell me, sweetheart. What happened?”
“I don’t know what to say,” I mumbled.
“Well, how about you tell me what the hell happened to the condo?” she pressed.
“I lost my temper,” I answered. “Mom, why am I so unlovable? Why do people just throw me away?”
“What are you talking about? Edward, you are one of the most lovable people I know,” she cooed, brushing my hair back. I flinched and moved away. I couldn’t handle being touched. Not now. Not ever. My mother looked confused, but she took a breath, continuing, “No one would throw you away.”
“But, she did,” I snarled.
“Who did?”
“Bella! She threw me away for a dalliance with James,” I snapped, thrusting my hands into my hair.
“I highly doubt that, Edward. She does not like him, obviously. She told me that she thought that James was a toad. Why would she …?” she pressed.
“Because, I’m not worth it. I’m not worth anything!” I shot up and began pacing since my condo could not handle anymore destruction. “The only thing I’m good for is to be used and abused. A punching bag, a living sex toy … I’m nothing, Mom.” I slid down the wall and screamed. “The one good thing in my life … she threw me away.”
My mother sat down next to me, pulling me into her arms. I struggled against her, not wanting her comfort. She wouldn’t stop holding me and I just gave up. I clung to my mother as I completely lost it. She didn’t say anything, but she did hold me. I’m not sure how long we sat on the floor, but she pulled away, wiping my tears. “Edward, in all the years you were my son, you’ve never let your walls down. You always kept everyone at arm’s length, even your father and me. You never allowed yourself to grieve, to cry, to feel that pain from your childhood.”
“I needed to protect myself,” I said, my throat raw. “I didn’t want to be hurt.”
“And now, Bella broke through those walls,” she said.
“But, she …”
“I doubt she threw you away, Edward. Did you give her a chance to explain?” she chided.
“She tried, but it sounded like excuses,” I snapped. “She’s no different that Tanya.”
“That’s not fair, Edward. If I had to guess you lashed out and you left before giving her an opportunity to tell you what had happened,” she sighed. “Edward, I love you more than words can describe. You are my child, even though I didn’t give birth to you. You are not even remotely close to being disposable.”
“Then, why did those assholes hurt me like they did?” I asked.
“Are you talking about Bella or those awful foster families?” she asked sympathetically.
“Both, I guess,” I muttered.
“Bella didn’t throw you away,” she admonished gently.
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