“How’s the fish, Bella?” asked Billy, Jake’s
father.
“It’s good, but I’m still not really hungry,”
I said, pushing the plate away. “I’m …”
“It’s okay, sweetheart,” he said, giving me an
understanding smile. “You just need to eat something before you take your pain
pill.”
I sighed, pulling the plate back and forcing a
few bites down my throat. I didn’t
really taste anything. Everything seemed like ash and dull since I left
Rochester. Jake, who had been in the ICU, practically demanded to come and
visit me after my surgery. He saw me and I told him what Esme had said, her
words that rolled around in my head, shattering my already fragile confidence. Despite
his injuries, Jake comforted me, along with my father. We also made
arrangements for me to leave New York.
Being there was too much. Toxic, really.
I was
laying on my back, tears streaming down my cheeks. My father had stepped out to
make a few phone calls and arrangements for our return to Brooklyn. The problem
was that we had a second story walk up. I couldn’t walk up the stairs. Linda’s
apartment wasn’t much better.
“Bells,”
I heard.
I sat
up, wiping my face and seeing Jake in a wheel chair, pushed by Seth. “You need
to rest, Jake. You’re recovering from major surgery.” His face was still ashen and he had lost
weight.
“So are
you,” he smirked, taking my hand and frowning when he saw my bare finger.
“What’s going on, Bells? Why aren’t you wearing your ring?”
“I had
to take it off when I had my knee fixed,” I answered petulantly.
“Talk
to me, Bells,” Jake commanded softly. “Charlie told me briefly what happened,
but I want to hear it from you.”
“I’m
not good enough,” I whispered. “Esme doesn’t think I’m good enough for her
son.” I blinked up, tears streaming down my face. “And I’m not, Jake. I’m a
mess. I’m not strong. I’m worthless and I don’t deserve him. So, I’m listening
to Esme.”
“Fuck,
no …” Jake growled. “Don’t get me wrong, but Esme is a bitch.”
“I
thought she cared about me,” I hissed. “Instead, I get my heart ripped out and
stomped on by her. How can I ignore that? I’ve lost two mothers, Jake. One from
an unforeseen complication of pregnancy and the other from being a hateful,
cruel, vindictive bitch. I loved Esme.”
“Do you
love Masen?” Jake whispered.
“I do,
but sometimes, love isn’t enough,” I whispered back. “I hate that …”
Jake
squeezed my fingers and he tugged out a cell phone. Sliding his finger across, he
pressed a button. “Dad? Yes, I’m feeling much better … no, I’m not upset that
you couldn’t make it out. I get it. After this accident, it will be a long time
before I drive in the snow … Look, I have a friend and she’s in a bit of a
bind.”
After talking to Billy for a few minutes and
my father talking to him, as well, we made arrangements for me to fly out of
Rochester and to the Pacific Northwest. Seth was flying out with me, helping me
in my wheel chair and driving me to La Push, to the Quileute Reservation. It
was a long trip. I was achy and tired by the time we pulled up to the green
ranch-style home. A tall man, with russet-colored skin and a beamingly white
smile, greeted us. I could see the familial relationship to Jake immediately. I
also noticed he stayed on the front porch.
That was three days ago.
Billy Black
Billy's home in LaPush
Kitchen
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